He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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