i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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