he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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