I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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