That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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