so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize