I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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