Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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