I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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