there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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