when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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