Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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