I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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