I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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