Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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