my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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