Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize