i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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