Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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