I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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