she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize