that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize