so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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