Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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