I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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