it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize