I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize