naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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