I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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