new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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