so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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