It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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