Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My vagina is officially offended.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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