I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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