You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
soo... how was my night?
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