Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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