The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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