Betty ford says i'm here all night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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