Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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