I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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