i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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