i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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