I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If that was your dad, he is hot
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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