So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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