i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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