My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize