I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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