mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize