I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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