So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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